In the world of startup funding, spotting a winner is no simple task. Much of it comes down to chance. How would the judges of ABC’s Shark Tank respond to pitches from some of the most successful entrepreneurs in recent history when they were just starting out? Here’s how we imagine the conversations might have gone.

    Elon Musk

    My name is Elon Musk and I’m about to revolutionize the auto industry, first in the United States and then all over the world. My Tesla cars will drive entirely powered by batteries, with zero emissions or fossil fuels. I’m seeking $5 billion for 20% of my company.

    Daymond John: We already have the Chevy Volt and the Toyota Prius on the road and the audience for this type of car is pretty small, right?

    Yes, but my electric car will be different.

    Daymond John: How?

    It will cost almost $100,000 and there will be no dealerships where you can purchase them.

    Daymond John: Come again?

    That’s right. And you’ll need to refuel them at special filling stations that I will also need funds from you to build, all over America.

    Kevin O’Leary: But what powers the car?

    Well, it’s a special kind of battery that no one really makes a lot of yet. I’m also going to need some cash from you to make those too. But we’re only going to sell around 30,000 cars, tops, during the first few years, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

    Daymond John: I feel like you’re playing a joke here.

    I’m totally serious. I also build spaceships in my spare time.

    Kevin O’Leary: This sounds insane. I’m out.

    埃隆•穆斯克（特斯拉创始人）

    我叫埃隆•穆斯克，我将彻底改变美国乃至全球汽车行业。我的特斯拉汽车将完全由电池驱动，完全不使用化石燃料，从而实现零排放。我希望以50亿美元的价格，转让公司20％的股份。

    戴蒙德•约翰：市面上已经有了雪佛兰Volt和丰田普锐斯等混合动力车，而且这类车的目标客户群很小，对吧？

    是的，但我的电动车将与众不同。

    戴蒙德•约翰：有何不同？

    其售价将近10万美元，而且你将无法从汽车经销商那里买到。

    戴蒙德•约翰：我没听错吧？

    没错。而且此车需要在特殊的“加油站”进行充电，我需要从各位这里筹钱，在全美建造此类充电站。

    凯文•奥利里：你的车靠什么驱动？

    靠一种特殊的电池，目前还没有什么厂家大规模生产这种电池。我还得请各位资助我一些钱来生产这种电池。不过，最初几年，我们最多卖出约3万辆车，所以电池生产应该不成问题。

    戴蒙德•约翰：我觉得你是在开玩笑。

    我是认真的。我闲暇时还建造宇宙飞船。

    凯文•奥利里：这听着就不靠谱。我没兴趣。

    Steve Ells

    Hello Sharks! My name is Steve Ells and I’m the founder and head chef of Chipotle Fresh Mexican Grill. I’m asking for $100,000 for 10% of my company so I can expand. Chipotle serves the best burritos in Colorado, using the freshest ingredients and with an open kitchen for people to see into.

    Barbara Corcoran: I’m going to stop you for a second, what do you mean by “fast casual”?

    Well, we’re serving customers quickly, but it’s more expensive food and a nicer atmosphere.

    Barbara Corcoran: Okay. But it’s just a burrito, right?

    Well, yes, but we may also do tacos at some point.

    Barbara Corcoran: So a store serving expensive burritos and tacos at a million dollar valuation? I’m going to have to pass.

    史蒂夫•埃尔斯（墨西哥风味快餐Chipotle创始人）

    各位评委好！我叫史蒂夫•埃尔斯，我是墨西哥风味快餐公司Chipotle Fresh Mexican Grill的创始人兼主厨。为了企业发展，我希望以10万美元的价格，转让Chipotle餐厅10％的股份。Chipotle的墨西哥卷饼在科罗拉多州是最棒的，我们选用最新鲜的食材，并采用开放式厨房，让人们对后厨的情况一目了然。

    芭芭拉•柯克兰：我得打断你一下，你所谓的“快休闲”是什么意思？

    意思是说，我们的上餐速度很快，但菜品定价较高、就餐环境较好。

    芭芭拉•柯克兰：好吧。但你们卖的就是墨西哥卷饼而已，对吗？

    没错。不过未来我们可能还会卖墨西哥煎玉米卷。

    芭芭拉•柯克兰：也就是说，这家卖高价墨西哥卷饼和墨西哥煎玉米卷的餐厅，估值百万美元？我放弃此项目。

    Travis Kalanick

    Good afternoon, Sharks! My name is Travis Kalanick and my new app is going to change the way people get around their cities in over 180 countries around the world. Uber is going to replace half of the taxis and limousine companies in existence overnight.

    Kevin O’Leary: I’m sorry, you said your app?

    That’s right. It’s an app on your phone and it lets you order a car service from anywhere you are at any time.

    Kevin O’Leary: How will you get all the cars and drivers to work for you?

    That’s the beauty of it. They won’t work for us. They’ll work for themselves and split the revenues. We’re even going to let random drivers who aren’t professionals operate on our platform!

    Barbara Corcoran: Let me see if I understand this. Taxi and limo drivers are going to agree to work for you but not really be considered as working for you? And you think people are going to want to get picked up by unlicensed strangers?

    Yes.

    Daymond John: So what you’re saying is you invented a hitchhiking app?

    Well, that’s not how I would put it exactly...

    Barbara Corcoran: So you’ll be competing with every transportation company in the world?

    Yes. And we’ll also be having knock-down, drag-out fights with politicians and lobbying groups in almost every state and city, not to mention the fact that we’ll be responsible for the safety of millions of drivers and passengers everywhere we go.

    Kevin O’Leary: What did you say your valuation would be?

    We think we’ll be worth $40 billion within our first 36 months.

    特拉维斯•卡兰尼克（Uber创始人）

    各位评委，下午好！我叫特拉维斯•卡兰尼克，我的新应用将改变全球180多个国家的人们在城市出行的方式。Uber将在一夜之间，取代半数现有的出租车和豪华轿车公司。

    凯文•奥利里：不好意思，你刚刚说你的应用？

    是的。这是一款手机应用，通过该应用，用户可以随时随地订车。

    凯文•奥利里：你如何让所有轿车和司机为你效劳？

    这就是这款应用的妙处所在。他们不是为我效劳，而是给自己打工，并获得部分收入。我们甚至打算让非专业司机在我们平台上运作！

    芭芭拉•柯克兰：我要没理解错的话，你的意思是：出租车和豪华轿车司机会愿意为你所用，但并不是真正的为你效力？而且你认为人们将愿意让没有相关执照的陌生人开车载自己？

    没错。

    戴蒙德•约翰：所以你的意思是，你发明了一种让人搭便车的应用？

    呃，也不完全是搭便车……

    芭芭拉•柯克兰：全世界所有运输公司都将是你们的竞争对手？

    是的。我们还将同全世界所有国家和城市的政客以及游说团体展开激烈的持久战，此外，我们每进入一个市场，就要对当地数百万司机和乘客的安全负责。

    凯文•奥利里：你刚刚说你们公司的估值将有多少？

    我们认为，我们公司在成立3年内，估值将达到400亿美元。

    Jeff Bezos

    I’d like to introduce you to Amazon.com, which I think will be the largest retailer in the world. My name is Jeff Bezos and I’m asking the Sharks to back my company with $500,000 for a 5% stake.

    Lori Greiner: That’s sounds like a lot of money, what do your profit margins look like?

    There aren’t any. I would prefer to talk about revenue.

    Lori Greiner: Okay but anyone can generate a lot of revenue if they’re willing to be the lowest-price seller and generate a lot of losses.

    Right, well that’s what I’m going to do. We’ll sell billions of dollars worth of merchandise every month. Profits will come later.

    Barbara Corcoran: When is later?

    We’ll still be generating losses 18 years down the road. But we’ll be sure to add new services along the way that people will be excited about.

    Mark Cuban: But aren’t you worried about running out of money?

    No. Investors will keep giving us money because we’ll keep growing and showing increased sales. Other retailers we compete with who have to actually earn profits will go out of business and we’ll keep getting bigger.

    Lori Greiner: Jeff, I actually think you’ve just discovered the holy grail of capitalism. Why hasn’t anyone else ever done this?

    Because this is an Internet company, and the rules are different. The standards by which other businesses are judged won’t apply to me.

    Mark Cuban: Actually, I kind of think this could work.

    Did I mention drones?

    Daymond John: I need to see some proof that an eternal funding machine like this can last as long as you think it could. So for that reason, I’m out.

    杰夫•贝佐斯（亚马逊创始人）

    我想向各位介绍亚马逊网站，我认为它将成为全球最大的零售商。我叫杰夫•贝佐斯，我想以50万美元的价格，转让我们公司5％的股份，希望各位评委投资。

    洛瑞•格雷纳：50万美元不是个小数目，你们公司的利润状况如何？

    目前还没有盈利。我更愿意谈谈我们公司的营收。

    洛瑞•格雷纳：可以，但只要愿意以最低的价格进行销售，愿意赔钱赚吆喝，谁都可以获得大量营收。

    是的，我就是打算这么干。我们每月将售出价值数十亿美元的商品。至于利润嘛，以后会有的。

    芭芭拉•柯克兰：“以后”是什么时候？

    未来18年，我们都将持续亏损。但在此期间，我们一定会增加令人激动的新服务。

    马克•库班：你不怕钱会花光？

    不怕。投资者将继续给我们钱，因为我们将不断发展，销售额将持续增长。我们的竞争对手——那些得实际赚取利润的企业将破产，而我们的规模将越来越大。

    洛瑞•格雷纳：杰夫，我倒认为你发现了资本主义的精髓所在。之前为什么没有人像你这样干呢？

    因为我这是一家互联网公司，其规则与其他企业不同。其他企业的评判标准并不适用于我们公司。

    马克•库班：事实上，我认为你这个项目说不定能行。

    我提到无人机了没？

    戴蒙德•约翰：我需要看到些证据，才能相信融资的机器会像你想象的那样，一直运转下去，永不停息。因此，我不会投资你的项目。

    Marcus Goldman

    Hello Sharks. My name is Marcus Goldman and this is my son-in-law, Samuel Sachs. We’ve launched an investment bank on Wall Street that will cater to large corporations, heads of state, and even royalty as we help people turn their piles of money into even more money.

    We’re convinced that with a small amount of startup capital, we’ll be on our way toward world domination in no time.

    Mark Cuban: I’m intrigued, but aren’t there lots of other investment banks on Wall Street? How can you be sure that yours will survive and thrive?

    That’s a great question, Mark, and we’re glad you asked it. We’re only going to hire the very best and brightest. The smartest, most driven and determined bankers, analysts, and traders coming out of the top institutions of learning. They’ll close major deals and bring in windfalls of cash for the firm. We’ll make the most indispensable among them partners and pay incredible salaries to keep them.

    Robert Herjavec: That sounds good on paper, but...

    You didn’t hear the best part. Many of them will leave the firm over the coming decades and become instrumental members of the Federal Reserve, the Treasury Department, and even end up advising presidents in the White House as well as governments in Europe, Asia, and Latin America. We’ll have a network of influential government officials and bankers the likes of which the world has never seen.

    We’ll serve counterparties on both sides of every transaction and have an angle that allows us to win regardless of any potential outcome. In short, we’ll be in the room for every major financial and economic decision undertaken anywhere there is money on the line.

    Robert Herjavec: I’m out. It’ll never work.

    马库斯•戈德门（高盛创始人）

    各位评委好。我叫马库斯•戈德门，这是我女婿塞缪尔•萨克斯。我们在华尔街开了一家投资银行，服务于大型企业、国家元首甚至皇室，同时帮助人们以钱生钱。

    我们相信，只要有少量启动资金，我们很快就将称霸世界。

    马克•库班：我很感兴趣，但华尔街不是有好多家投资银行吗？你为何确定你们的投行能生存下来并茁壮成长？

    这个问题问得好，马克，我们很高兴你提出这个问题。我们只招最优秀、最顶尖的人才。毕业于顶尖学府、最胸怀大志、聪明果决的银行家、分析师和交易员。他们将达成重要交易，并给公司带来海量现金。对于其中最必不可少的人物，我们将让他们当上合伙人，并开出天价薪酬来留住他们。

    罗伯特•赫贾维奇：这听起来倒是不错，但是…….

    我还没讲到最精彩的部分呢。未来几十年里，他们当中的许多人将离开我们公司，在美联储、美国财政部担任要职，甚至成为美国总统以及欧洲、亚洲、拉丁美洲各国政府的顾问。我们将拥有由政府要员和大银行家组成的前所未见的人脉网。

    我们将同时服务于每笔交易的买方和卖方，不论结果如何，我们都稳赔不赚。总之，我们将参与全世界所有涉及到钱的重大金融和经济决策。

    罗伯特•赫贾维奇：我不投。你这个项目完全没戏。（财富中文网）

    译者：Hunter

    审稿：李翔