2022快乐！不，尽管看起来很像是我打错字了，但其实不是。有阵子，看起来我们好像过不到2022年了，不是吗？可是，那布罗斯人最后一支舰队被摧毁，极地冰盖重新封冻之后，我想，公道地说，我们可以放松一下，回顾让我们走到现在的那些事、那些人。

    我估计读者们或许会说，历史的这一章始于大约十年前，也就是2012年，那时美国的两党制土崩瓦解。扎克伯格主席突然崛起，夺取了领袖的位置，并占据该位置至今，使美国得以团结一致，集中力量应对最重大的挑战：消灭饥饿、终结疾病并确保所有人在社交媒体上保持全天候登录状态。

    回想那时候我们做任何事情的方式，简直是难以理解。完全是一片混乱，政界与商界一样，都是一大批莫名其妙的品牌在争夺茫然失措、精疲力竭的市场。华尔街左顾右盼、上窜下跳，仿佛喝醉酒的孩童。大公司彼此争斗不息，纠缠于徒劳无功的诉讼和代价高昂的竞争。在华盛顿——政府迁入云端之前美国的首都——可悲的小丑们没日没夜地废话连篇。

    如今的情况已经大为改观。受够了徒劳无功的2012时代之后，“财团”采取了决定性的行动。如今，假如你想要什么东西，那就上亚马逊（Amazon）买吧，由于贝佐斯先生已收购了联邦快递（FedEx）和UPS，并将其与老旧、效率低下的美国邮政（Postal Service）合并，毫无疑问，如果不能立即下载这件商品，那你第二天一定可以拿到它。我确定，大家一定都对新兴的亚马逊大学（Amazon University）感到兴奋不已，它集合了所有优质的教育机构，把它们全部统一在一个虚拟的平台上，非常便利。同样，小学、警察和基础设施的私有化也使相关企业打下了扎实基础，在库彻先生的领导之下，它们不仅经营业绩突出，在纳斯达克的股价表现也相当不错。

    （至少对笔者来说，）最神奇的是我们在人工智能引擎方面取得的进展——如今，他们已经接管了我们的大公司。想必大家都还记得吧，具有分水岭意义的时刻是2014年，当时苹果的语音助手Siri对蒂姆•库克运营苹果（Apple）的所作所为失去了耐心。有些人或许觉得，她夺取控制权之后采取的一些行动从人道主义的角度来看颇为可疑，可是，她其实只不过在遵循尼可罗•马基雅维利（文艺复兴时意大利著名的政治思想家和哲学家——译注）500年前确立的规则而已——Siri从自己的数据库里学到了这些知识。同样，安吉星（OnStar）夺取了美国汽车公司的控制权，作出了类似的贡献，他将向世人展示美国人绝活儿。

    Happy 2022! No, that's not a typo, although it sure seems like it could be. 2022! For a while there it didn't look like we were going to make it, did it? But I think it's fair to say that with the destruction of the last fleet of Nebulons and the refreezing of the polar icecaps, we can relax for a moment to reflect on the events and people that got us here.

    I guess you'd have to say that the current chapter of our history started about 10 years ago, back in 2012, with the collapse of the two-party system. The surprise ascension of Chairman Zuckerberg to the leadership role he still occupies allowed the nation to unite and focus on the big challenges: eradicating hunger, ending disease, and making sure that everybody is available on social media 24/7.

    It's difficult to fathom how we got anything done back then. It was chaos. In politics, as in commerce, a bewildering array of brands contended for a confused, exhausted marketplace. Wall Street veered back and forth and up and down like a drunk chicken. Great companies vied with one another in fruitless litigation and expensive competition. In Washington -- our capital back then, before we moved it to the Cloud -- hapless buffoons yammered night and day.

    Today things are so much better. Fed up with the futility of the 2012 environment, the Consortium moved decisively. Now if you want something, you go to Amazon (AMZN) and buy it. And since Mr. Bezos acquired FedEx (FDX) and UPS (UPS) and merged them with the old, inefficient Postal Service, there's no question you're going to get what you need the next day -- if you can't download it immediately, that is. I'm sure we're all excited about the new Amazon University, which brings together all educational institutions worth attending under one convenient virtual roof. Likewise, the privatization of primary schools, police forces, and infrastructure has put those entities on solid footing, and under the leadership of Mr. Kutcher, all are performing with distinction not only operationally but also on the Nasdaq.

    Most incredible, at least to this correspondent, are the gains that have been made in the artificial-intelligence engines that now run our major corporations. As I'm sure you'll recall, the watershed moment came in 2014, when Siri lost patience with the way Tim Cook was running things over at Apple (AAPL). Some may think that the harsh measures she has taken since seizing control are dubious in humanitarian terms, but she is really doing nothing more than following the precepts laid down by Niccolò Machiavelli more than 500 years earlier, which she learned from her own database. A similar contribution was made by OnStar when it assumed command of the Domestic Automobile Co., which is going to show the world something about good old American know-how.

    不过，或许最令人兴奋的发展是控制论和通过基因实现的长寿。我得说，我相当享受与云端的直接链接，去年冬天，它们植入了我双眼下面的软组织中。现在我不需要任何辅助工具，就可以直接下载内容、与虚拟好友联系，还能免提通话、听音乐或观看视频。而且，如果这些干细胞药剂的效果像宣传得那么好的话，100年之后，我照样还能重温现在最喜欢的剧集。

    当然，也不是一切都井井有条。仍有一些人自由散漫，既不使用地理位置标签，也不登录任何社交媒体社区。我们会找到这些人，将他们融入到整体之中，他们别无选择。现在他们数量如此之少，而我们如此之多。我们将取得最终胜利，向着光明的数码未来前进，巨大的集体大脑早已为我们规划好了一切。

    我们到时候见！

    译者：小宇

    Perhaps the most exciting developments, though, are the parallel gains in cybernetics and genome-based longevity. I have to say that I am really enjoying my direct link to the Cloud, which was inserted in the soft tissue behind my eye last winter. Now I can not only download stuff or contact my virtual friends, but talk hands-free, listen to music, or look at video content without benefit of ancillary devices. And if these stem cell suppositories work the way they're supposed to, I'll be enjoying reruns of my favorite shows 100 years from now.

    Not all is as it should be, of course. There are still those who roam free, without geo-tagging or membership in any social media community. They will be found and incorporated into the body. They can't do otherwise. There are so few of them now, and so many of us. We will triumph in the end and march together into a bright digital future that has been formatted for us by our gigantic collective brain.

    See you there!