As the brutal attacks in Paris were happening on Nov. 13, scattered thoughts jammed my brain. Please don’t claim to be Muslim, please don’t let me carry the burden, please don’t force me to denounce and condemn… My heart sank as I flipped from tab to tab online reading about the gruesome murders. The attackers targeted six sites Friday night killing at least 128 people. I prayed with all my strength for the protection of the hostages and wellbeing of everyone in the city.

One plea was buried behind all the noise: Please don’t claim to be Muslim. I could almost hear my thoughts begging, over and over. Please don’t be Muslim.

Without any confirmation as to who committed the attacks, Muslims started apologizing and condemning on social media. Others were blaming Muslims and refugees for the crimes. As our team gathered together virtually to discuss the news, our group chat swelled with sadness and fear. No matter what information came to light, the backlash would make everything worse for Muslims regardless of geographic location.

According to a Quartz article, data from the FBI indicates that anti-Islamic offenses have jumped five-fold in the US since 9/11.

Public perception of Muslims is currently low. A 2014 poll by the Pew Research Centre found that Americans had the least warm feelings towards Muslims of any religious group in the country. Another poll in March found that 55% of Americans have a ‘somewhat unfavorable’ or ‘very unfavorable’ opinion of Islam.

Then, what we all dreaded was confirmed: the Islamic State claimed responsibility. For a few hours, my feelings were conflicted. I was angry, yet I felt vulnerable. I was outraged to witness another violent massacre take innocent lives and distort my faith. I felt helpless because I knew this would provoke an adverse reaction from Islamophobes against us all; more scrutinizing for Muslims at airports and public spaces; more name-calling and threatening; more hatred and bigotry. We take one step forward to overcome a tragic terrorist blame-all-Muslims attack, only to take two steps backward when another occurs.

Things have not been pleasant for Muslims. Islamophobia continues to be on the rise. Activist Akeela Ahmed told the BBC in a report that she has suffered anti-Muslim abuse for years but it has recently worsened. She witnessed extremely derogatory language directed toward Muslims on social media. She was referring to negative comments posted online following the attack on the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, in which gunmen said they were killing in the name of Islam.

“Post-Paris, the abuse increased and it was a lot worse,” she says. “As we see more terrorist incidents globally, many people feel anger about terror attacks and they go online and use their medium to vent their anger. But, as a result, there is an increase in anti-Muslim sentiment generally.”

I rushed to speak to a friend to regain my sanity. Her words brought me back to my senses. She made me ask myself why should I, and all Muslims around the globe, bear the brunt of every terrorist attack committed in the name of Islam? Why are we condemned as the enemy and not the real perpetrators? Why are we obliged to apologize?

“Stuff like this happens and the fear that comes with it is so different than it used to be. When I was Christian, I was never afraid. Certain events just didn’t touch me because I’m a US citizen and I’m white-passing. But then I became Muslim and suddenly everything was my fault. I’d become the enemy overnight. And, while I still don’t fear for my own life, I fear for the lives of the girls I’ve mentored. Like, what would I do if someone hurt one of you guys? Or got disrespectful? I’d totally lose my mind,” my friend said to me.

Associate Professor of Religious Studies at the College of the Holy Cross Caner Dagli wrote in a CNN article that neither should we as Muslims feel apologetic for terrorism done in the name of Islam nor should the world expect us to be. “People should demand public statements like, ‘I condemn this act,’ from those who have some kind of accountability in connection with the act. There is always a crucial line between feeling revulsion at a crime and feeling it necessary to dissociate oneself from that crime. Did you benefit from a crime? Could you have stopped the crime? Did you contribute, even unwittingly, to the crime? If so, you may have to stand up and denounce it,” wrote Dagli.

Politics staff writer at Salon Ben Norton wrote an article in response to yesterday’s horrific Paris attacks titled, “Our terrorism double standard: After Paris, let’s stop blaming Muslims and take a hard look at ourselves.” He calls on governments to think critically about their policies abroad and at home. “Every time Islamic extremists carry out an attack, the world’s 1.6 billion Muslims are expected to collectively apologize; it has become a cold cliché at this point. Who benefits from such clampdown on Muslims and refugees? The hegemonic ‘solution’ is always more militarization, both abroad and here at home. Yet it is in fact militarization that is the cause of the problem in the first place. If these are the strategies our governments continue to pursue, attacks like these will only be more frequent,” wrote Norton. 

Violent murders are horrific. Terrorism is ugly. But terrorism has no religion. It’s not our fault. It’s no one’s fault except the murderers themselves.

11月13日，巴黎遭受恐怖分子的残暴袭击。听到消息的那一刻，我脑子一片混乱，心里默念着：恐怖分子千万别自称是穆斯林，请不要让我担负这个压力，请不要强迫我去抨击和谴责。当我在网上一篇篇地翻阅关于恐怖凶手的文章时，我的心也沉了下去。周五当晚，袭击者在6个地点杀害了至少128人。我用尽全力去祈祷，希望那些人质都能获救，城里的每个人都一切安好。

在这些内心的焦躁背后，其实隐藏着我一个小小的恳求，那就是请犯罪分子千万不要自称是穆斯林。我几乎可以听到我内心在恳求，一遍、一遍、又一遍：请不要说自己是穆斯林！

在还没确认是谁制造了这一恐怖袭击时，穆斯林群众就开始在社交媒体上道歉和谴责。其他人则把这一事件归咎于穆斯林和难民。当我所在的社区在网上议论这条新闻时，我们的谈话也被悲伤和恐惧笼罩。无论最后公布出来的是什么消息，这起恐怖袭击事件引发的强烈反应，只会让全球各地的穆斯林群体的处境变得更加糟糕。

新闻网站Quartz援引美国联邦调查局的数据指出，自从9/11恐怖袭击以来，反伊斯兰教的犯罪数量飙涨了5倍。

目前，公众对穆斯林的印象很差。2014年皮尤研究中心的一次调查发现，穆斯林给美国人的印象是该国所有宗教团体中最糟糕的。在今年3月的另一次调查中，有55%的美国人表示，他们“不太喜欢”或“非常不喜欢” 伊斯兰教。

随后，我们都惧怕的事情被证实了：伊斯兰国宣称对此事负责。在接下来的几个小时中，我的心情十分矛盾。我很愤怒，又很受伤。我很愤怒又目睹了一场杀害无辜、扭曲我的信仰的暴力事件。我很无助，因为我知道这会引发针对我们所有人的伊斯兰恐惧症，机场和公共场所会更加严格地盘查穆斯林；会有更多的中伤和威胁，憎恨和偏见。

对穆斯林来说，这是一件很不愉快的事。伊斯兰恐惧症变得愈发严重。积极分子阿基拉·艾哈迈德在一次采访中对BBC表示，穆斯林反对者对她的辱骂已经持续多年，但最近情况变得更加恶劣。她目睹了社交媒体上对穆斯林极度贬损的语言。她指的是在法国讽刺杂志《查理周刊》遭到袭击后网上的负面评论。这次事件的持枪歹徒声称他们以伊斯兰教之名而杀人。

她表示：“在巴黎事件后，谩骂更多了，情况比以前更加严重。我们看到全球有越来越多恐怖事件，许多人对此感到愤怒，他们在互联网上宣泄自己的愤怒。其结果是，反穆斯林情绪总体上变得更加严重。”

我找到一位朋友倾诉，想要让自己重新清醒过来。朋友的话帮我寻回了理智，她让我问自己，为什么我，以及全球的穆斯林，要背负每次以伊斯兰教之名发动的恐怖袭击带来的骂名？为什么是我们，而不是真正的罪犯要被谴责为敌人？我们为什么必须道歉？

我的朋友对我说：“类似这样的事情发生了，随之而来的恐惧却与之前很不一样。当我还是基督徒的时候，我从来不害怕。即使发生一些事也不会对我有什么影响，因为我是美国公民，而且是清白的。然而当我成为穆斯林之后，突然一切都成了我的错。我一夜之间成为大家的敌人。我不担心自己，但我为那些被我辅导的女孩感到担心。比方说，如果有人伤害你们其中一位，我该怎么做？如果有人冒犯你们呢？我开始失去理智。”

在发表在CNN网站的一篇文章中，圣十字学院宗教学副教授卡纳·达勒写道，穆斯林没必要为那些以伊斯兰教之名进行的恐怖行动感到抱歉，全世界也不应指望穆斯林感到抱歉。达勒表示：“人们应当要求与恐怖行动相关、或负有某种责任的人发表这样的公开声明：‘我谴责这一行为。’对罪行感到厌恶，与感到有必要撇清自己和罪行的关系，是有重要差别的。你有从罪行中受益吗？你原本能够阻止罪行吗？你是否为罪行出力了，即便是在无意识的情况下？如果真的是这样，你才必须站出来谴责它。” 

针对巴黎遭受的恐怖袭击，网络杂志《Salon》的政治话题特约撰稿人本·诺顿撰写了文章，标题为：《我们对恐怖主义的双重标准：在巴黎事件后，请不要责备穆斯林，仔细看看我们自己》。他呼吁政府反思他们的国内外政策。“每次伊斯兰教极端分子发动袭击，全球16亿穆斯林都要集体道歉，这已经成为了陈词滥调。这样压迫穆斯林和流亡者，能让谁得到好处？霸权主义的‘解决方案’总是诉诸军事力量，无论是在国外还是国内。实际上军队才是导致问题的首要因素。如果我们的政府继续这样的策略，类似的恐怖袭击只会越来越频繁。”

暴力谋杀很可怕。恐怖主义很丑陋。但恐怖主义是没有宗教的。这不是我们的错。除了凶手自己之外，这不是任何其他人的错。（财富中文网）

译者：严匡正

审校：任文科