你有倾听困难吗? /Are You Hard of Hearing?

你有倾听困难吗?

在我看来,被当作最佳听众是一个人能获得的最高赞美之一。但遗憾的是,我们总是被不良听众所包围。

倾听的技巧遗传不来,需要由认识得到倾听价值和重要性的人主动培养。父母、老师、密友、导师等榜样也可以对习得的过程加以促进和鼓励。

良好的倾听技巧可以转化为习惯,而非偶然行为。在对对方的想法、经历、感觉感兴趣的平台上,良好的倾听是可以预见的。而一旦这种兴趣消失,倾听的过程势必受到损害。

要求自己成为好的听众是成为有效领导者的先决条件。出色的沟通技巧是对领导者的重大加分,而久经磨练的倾听技巧更是重中之重。

太多时候,我们只专注于沟通的技巧,却付出了倾听技巧的代价。

如何解释为什么有些时候尽管我们自以为在听,却没能听清别人传达的信息?有时是因为他们表达得不够清晰,有时是因为我们听得不够仔细,常常也会兼而有之。又或者是因为我们没能捕捉到对方认为已经表露无遗的非语言信号。

这种情况在婚姻或其他长期亲密关系中十分常见,尤其是在涉及到不同性别的人时。我自己就承认在很多时候都非常罪过地没能读懂太太的心思。我很期待自己能有所改善,但也认识到在某种程度上,这是男性软件设置的问题。

谈到倾听的技巧,一般多是指听别人说话的能力。但还有另外一个重要的维度,就是听自己说话的能力,包括说话的方式、风格、腔调和内容。

假如我们参加舞蹈、唱歌或音乐课程,我们不会质疑练习是提高的关键,因为老师对我们表现的评价可以帮助我们改正缺点。

对于大多数人而言,在成功的职业和回报关系中,舞蹈、歌唱和音乐技巧远远不如倾听技巧来得重要。但又有多少人会费力地去了解自己说话听起来如何,以便提高沟通技巧呢?真的很少!

这个过程始于努力倾听自己的声音,再加上从各个渠道收集别人的收听反应。

他们能否做出我们期待的反应?我们是否能在需要时有效地说服别人?我们的信息接收准确率有多高?我们被误解的程度有多大?我们的意见引发冲突和分歧的频率有多高?别人是否觉得我们的批评毫无道理?

上述问题的根本在于:我们在乎吗?毕竟,我们为什么要在意别人的听后感呢?这真的很重要吗?

假如我们打算隐居深山或荒岛,这一点儿也不重要。但如果我们立志成为领袖,成为有效的团队成员,或者享受可持续的友谊,这就至关重要。

我们的价值观和优先关注可以包括对他人、生命以及生存环境的善良、关心和责任,也可以不包括。假若不包括,我们是否能做好听众,以及别人如何聆听我们就不再那么重要。

个人的品牌与伟大的商业品牌有着某种重要的相通之处,那就是信任。人际关系的成功取决于建立信任的能力。如果我们罔顾与他人接触的方式,就不能建立起成功的联系。因此,养成自省的习惯,战斗就打赢了一半。

开始倾听比去健身房锻炼要容易得多。

Are You Hard of Hearing?

In my view, one of the highest compliments that someone can receive is being considered a good listener.Unfortunately, we are surrounded by people who are not good listeners.

Listening skills are not inherited. They are developed willfully by individuals who recognize their value and importance. That learning process can be fostered and encouraged by the good example of others: by parents, teachers, close friends or mentors.

Well-developed listening skills become a habit rather than an occasional exercise. They are predicated on a platform of interest in what others are thinking, experiencing, and feeling. If this interest is not present, the process of listening is undermined.

Achieving the discipline of being a good listener is a prerequisite for being an effective leader. Good communication skills are a huge plus for leaders, but well-honed listening skills are even more essential.

All too often we focus on communication skills at the expense of listening skills.

How to explain why sometimes even though we think we are listening, we don’t hear the other person’s message clearly? Sometimes it’s because they did not articulate their message well. Sometimes it’s because we did not listen carefully enough. Often it’s a combination of both. Or maybe we just failed to pick up on non-verbal signals which the other person thought should have been crystal clear to us.

This is a common occurrence in marriages and other long-term close relationships, especially involving persons of different gender. I myself admit to having been guilty on numerous occasions of failing to read my spouse’s mind. I’d like to think I’m getting better, but I also recognize to some extent it may be a male software issue.

When we talk about listening skills, we are usually referring to how well someone listens to other people. There is another important dimension, however, which relates to how well we hear ourselves: the manner, style, tone and content of what we say.

If we enroll in dancing, singing, or music lessons, we don’t question the fact that practice is an essential element of progress, as is feedback from our instructor on how we’re doing, so that we can improve upon our weaknesses.

For most of us, dancing, singing and music skills are far less essential components of a successful career and rewarding relationships than listening skills are. Yet how many of us make a concerted effort to learn how we sound when we communicate, in order to improve our communication skill? Very few indeed.

That process begins with making an effort to listen more carefully to ourselves, and then gather feedback through a variety of channels on how we sound to others.

Are they reacting as we expected? Are we effective in persuading others when we need to be? How accurately are our messages being received? To what degree are we being misunderstood? How often are our comments catalysts for conflict or disagreement? Do others think we’re unreasonably critical?

Fundamental to all of the above questions is: do we care? After all, why should we care how other people hear us? Does it really matter?

It doesn’t matter at all if we’re planning to live the life of a hermit on some distant mountaintop or desert island; but it matters a great deal if we aspire to be leaders, effective team players, or enjoy sustainable friendships.

Our values and priorities either include kindness, caring and responsibility towards other people, living things and our environment, or they don’t. If they don’t, then it matters far less how well we listen, or how other people hear us.

Our personal brand has something very important in common with great corporate brands: trust. Our success in relationships depends on our ability to build trust. If we are not in touch with how we come across to others, we’re not likely to succeed at that .Getting into the habit of self-reflection is half the battle.

Getting started is even easier than going to the gym for a workout.


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