你真的没时间吗？ / Do You Have the Time?

你真的没时间吗？

在英文中，“你有时间吗”（Do You Have the Time?）有两种截然不同的含义。

第一种含义是“你知道现在几点吗？”虽然这种问法并不少见，但比起直接问“几点啦”（What time is it ?）用得还是比较少。

第二种含义是“你有时间（做某事）吗？”这种问法在美国英语、英国英语、澳洲英语中都十分常见。

假如我是《借口大辞海》（一本迄今为止还不存在的书）的编辑，我会认为“没时间”将成为历年“最常用借口”大奖的得主。

毕竟，用“没时间”做借口再方便不过。

回想一下，你（还有我本人）用“没时间”来搪塞自己为什么不能做某事、不能接新任务、不能帮助别人、不能见别人的频率有多高。我们都快把这个借口用滥了。有时候事实可能的确如此，但有时候我们必须正视它只是个借口。

在这里，事实和借口的界线十分模糊，也很主观，但在内心深处，我们都非常清楚它们的不同。

在现实中，缺少时间似乎是，并且经常是我们不能做某事的正当理由。当然，除非我们能在能力许可的范围内尽量重新安排时间，并在这一过程中作出某种牺牲。

“我只是没时间” 在太多情况下只是一种躲闪、回避和逃离。当我们到了某个年龄，被当作是“大人”时，就要求我们具备更完善的管理时间的技能。

很多时候，“我没时间”和“我不愿意花时间”意思相同。的确，我们都很忙，但归根结底还是熟轻孰重的问题，这包括在工作中，也包括在工作和家庭、伴侣和合作伙伴、朋友和社会之间。

没有人能给你时间，时间不是树上结出的果子，也不会像雨点般从天而降。你只能自己创造时间，并对与其关系最紧密的问题，也就是事物重要性的问题做出决定。其中关键就是决策的依据，这个依据可能是酷，可能是挣钱的机会，可能是与情投意合的人结伴玩耍，也有可能是向有需要的人施以援手。

如果你不支配自己的时间，那决定权就由不得你。我们身边有很多强力的磁场，会像从桌上吸走铁屑一样瞬间就吸走我们的时间。如何平衡与管理时间真的要取决于我们自己的决定，这是一个挑战。

英语中有个说法叫“take your time”，意思是“放松，别着急，跟着自己的节奏走”，和中文中的“慢慢来”颇为相似。

这个简单的短语让我看到一层深意，就是如果你不慢慢来（不控制时间），别人就会帮你控制。就像我们常对孩子说的：“吃你的饭，要不该被别人吃了。”

这并不是说要忽略出人意料的突发事件在时间上对我们的要求，因为这种情况通常会激发我们的潜力，让我们做出更有意义的事。但是，它意味着我们必须对优先排序和时间管理有个思路清晰、条理清楚的办法。

讲到客户关系，客户不满意从根本上讲有多少是与我们太忙而无法关注他们的需求有关？这往往是引起客户不高兴的主因，也是客户流失的部分原因。

讲到朋友和家庭关系，伤感情的根本原因有多少是与某某人忙得没时间打电话、看望或回应沟通有关？仅凭想象和担忧，这种感觉很容易就会演化为反感、不信任，甚至最终导致关系的破裂。

也就是说，除非我们真的在乎。如果在乎的话，为避免这种“减速带”，无论在职场或其他地方，所要做的就是关注轻重缓急，不要陷入手忙脚乱的节奏，以至于开始忽略真正重要的东西。

让“我没时间”变成常用借口的一个帮凶就是我们通常不会大声把它说出来，而只是想想或者直接去做。结果，对方完全不明白我们不理不睬的原因，这样不仅会滋生不确定性，还会埋下怀疑和伤害感情的种子。

一旦发生这种情况，不管是在单位还是在外边，最好的矫正办法就是鼓足勇气说声“对不起”。虽然这解决不了什么问题，但却有助于修补最初的裂痕，并为进一步修复关系搭建平台。

回想一下你的朋友、同事和商业伙伴，他们很容易就被分为两类：一类是极少数总能在你需要时挤出时间的人，另一类是大多数总也没有时间的人。长此以往，你的心自然就会偏向那些愿意为你花时间的人。

对于这个世界上最常见的借口，大家一定要好好了解，无论是把它说出来还是藏在心里。

回顾一生，那些挤出时间才完成的事总要比顺便才做的事更让你印象深刻。

Do You Have the Time?

In English, this question has two different meanings.

The first one is: “Do you know what time it is?” While not uncommon, this is less frequently used than the simpler question with the same meaning: “What time is it?”

The other meaning is: “Do you have the time (e.g. to do this or that)?” This is a very commonly asked question, whether in American, British, or Australian English.

If I were the editor of the Grand Encyclopedia of Excuses (a book which does not yet exist), I think that the response -- “I don’t have the time” -- would win the prize for being the most commonly used excuse, year after year.

After all, it’s such a convenient excuse.

Think about how often you (and I) have used this as an explanation of why we couldn’t do something, take on a new task, help someone, visit someone, etc. We’ve all used this excuse countless times. Sometimes it’s a statement of fact, and let’s face it, sometimes it’s just an excuse.

The distinction here between a when it’s a statement of fact and when it's an excuse is blurry and subjective, but deep down we each have a pretty clear idea of the difference.

In practical terms, the lack of available time seems to be, and often is, a valid reason for why we cannot take something on. Unless, of course, we make the effort to re-arrange our time, within our abilities to do so, probably making a sacrifice of some sort in the process.

“I just don’t have the time” is -- all too often -- a dodge, a hedge, and a cop-out. Once we get to a certain age, when we are generally considered to be “grown-ups”, we are expected to have developed improved time management skills.

In many instances, “I don’t have time” has the same meaning as “I am not willing to make time.” Sure, we’re all busy; but in the end, it’s a matter of priorities: within work, work versus family, spouse or partner, friends, community, etc.

No one gives you the time. It doesn’t grow on trees or fall from the sky like raindrops. You make the time, as well as most of the related decisions about what is important. The key is what criteria you rely on. It may be coolness, a money-making opportunity, hanging out with the right crowd, or reaching out to people in need.

If you don’t decide on the use of your time, the decision will be taken away from you. Lots of powerful magnets surround us, ready to pull our time from us like loose iron shavings off a table top. It’s really up to us to decide on how to balance and manage time, and that’s a challenge.

Another saying in English is “take your time,” which means “relax; no great rush; follow your own pace” similar to the Chinese, “慢慢来”.

I see a deeper meaning to this simple phrase, which is that if you don’t take (control of) your time, someone else will do so for you. It’s a bit like a child being told “eat your food, or someone else will.”

That does not mean we should ignore unpredictable urgent demands on our time which can arise, which often impinge on our ability to do other more meaningful things. But it does mean we need to develop a clear-minded approach to prioritizing, and a disciplined approach to time management.

If you consider customer relationships, how often is the root of a customer’s dissatisfaction the perception that we were too busy to pay attention to his or her needs? This is often a core element of customer unhappiness, and part of the reason we lose customers.

If you consider friends and family relationships, how often is the root of hurt feelings the perception that “so and so” has become too busy to call, visit, answer our communications, etc? Left to people’s imagination and common fears, these feelings easily evolve into a sense of rejection, an erosion of trust, and eventually a breakdown in relationships.

That is, unless we really care. And if we care, all it takes to avoid these speed bumps -- in the workplace or elsewhere -- is keeping a clear focus on priorities, and not getting swept up into the hectic pace to the extent that we begin to overlook some of the really important stuff.

What helps to make “I don’t have the time” the most common excuse of all is that we often don’t even say it out loud. We simply think it, and act on it; so the other party is left wondering what the reason for our inattention is. That creates uncertainty, plants the seeds of doubt, and hurt feelings.

If we find that that has happened, whether at work or outside, the best antidote is to have the courage to say “I’m sorry.” It won’t solve the whole problem, but it helps repair the initial damage, and sets the stage for ongoing repair.

If you think about your friends, colleagues and business partners, it’s not difficult to divide them into two categories: those rare ones who always make time for you when you need them, and those common folks who mostly don’t. In the long run, your loyalties will naturally gravitate to those who do.

Beware the world’s most common excuse, whether you speak the words or just think the thought.

When you look back on your life, you’ll be more appreciative of those occasions when you made the time than for those when you seized the advantage.